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How do you bounce back?
And if you could, I would really appreciate links to relevant texts or videos, as opposed to the "keep on swinging" aphorisms of the world.
A little background:
I am truly questioning myself at this moment.
I've been in a rut. For considerable time. And I've had cold spells in the past, but for some reason this one's hitting me harder than most. It's bad enough that I'm watching cheesy romantic comedies trying to cheer myself up. Well, that and blow-'em up super hero movies.
Now this slump is probably the result of a few external factors:
- I'm unemployed. Not because I'm unemployable, but because my work is vaguely seasonal and I'm just starting to reach the point in my career where I have to be a little picky because otherwise it makes me unavailable for more attractive options.
- Because my previous contract came to an end, I had to move back in with my divorced Mom who drives me crazy.
- Moving back in with Mom, while affecting my daily feelings of self worth, also has the added bonus of putting me approximately half an hour to an hour's drive away from the majority of venues where I would find the kind of folks I would want to socialize with: both in terms of women and friends.
- Due to being an absolute idiot, and the fact that nobody walks in LA, I went and got myself a DUI and now refuse to drive even after having one beer, which severely limits the spontaneity that seemed a critical component to my "glory days."
- I'm getting older. I was never the handsomest guy in the bar, but I used to feel that I was in the top percentiles. Unfortunately, though, life has caught up to me: I'm losing my hair and that actually does affect me, even though I know it shouldn't.
At any rate, what may be contributing to this slump is, to rectify this situation, I decided it was about time to up my standards and decide I would only sleep with women that I was truly attracted to. No more settling.
That was step 1.
Step 2 was to force myself to interact with this caliber of woman again, actively seek the venues they frequent, shake off the rust that had accumulated from a year of little socializing and lots of career work. So I did that, I decided I would only go out to places I wanted to go out to, no more "tagging along with my friends" but that I would be the guy that folks wanted to be around. I would make the plans, not find them.
Then it was time to just throw myself completely and totally into this: approach every girl, not give myself time to wish for a perfect opening, but to just be completely spontaneous and enjoy the socializing for what it is. And so that's what I've done for the past two weeks, and even though it didn't result in any sort of physical affection or contact information, sobeit. I felt like I had jumped a serious hurdle, going out there, talking to the prettiest girls, getting shot down, but having some actual conversations in the process. Progress, in the truest sense of the word.
And then there was last Friday night. Now, one thing I've learned in my fitful attempts at this fundamental human skill is your nights depend upon you. If it's a bad night, it's because you didn't approach enough folks, you didn't go out with the right mindset of outcome independence, you stayed in your head and didn't just approach the night for what it was. And if you had a good night, it's usually because you came in with the right mentality, you were open to conversation (and more) with anyone that struck your fancy and voila. Magic happened.
That's what makes this past Friday so confusing to me, because, and granted, I may be rationalizing, it seemed like I set myself up right. I went out with the right mindset, I approached girls with confidence and not after having stared for hours on end, and while my opener wasn't always completely on point, I was utterly rejected each and every time. Now, look, I understand rejection is absolutely part of the game, and I know that I have to continue to practice my social skills, become more natural and loose. But I didn't think I was at the point where girls would pull out their cell phone mid sentence, jump on any opening to avoid talking to me. At least, not any more. I thought I'd progressed from that horrible moment of my life. But there it was. I was getting blown out, and not just "ha ha, that's funny" but "what the hell happened here."
And then, to make matters worse, out of my group of five, four out of the five ended up closing in some manner or another either that night or immediately thereafter. To rub salt in the wound, one of those closes was actually a result of my approach to a group of girls, where one of my friend of a friends decided to swoop in on the prettiest of girls. Another of those closes was a friend whom I originally taught to get girls in the first place.
I know, jealousy is not becoming, and I know I should really just congratulate all of them on their good fortune. But I want to be honest about my faults and learn how to overcome them. Hell, that's why I joined this community in the first place.
Here's how I feel now: like I'm missing some basic biological instinct that all other men have, that I am cursed to remain a leper to the women I actually find attractive, and will remain this way until divine providence intervenes. From where I stand, it looks like every other man can be the blind squirrel that eventually finds a nut, so to speak, by just practicing enough, approaching enough women, and finally coming to that epiphany. The funny thing about this all is I know that's not true, conceptually and intellectually, but emotionally, that's where I'm at. It's a great inconsistency in this weird mind of mine.
So there you have it. Has anyone else been here? Particularly the veterans of this scene. The guys who have had their hot runs, but for one reason or another, suddenly found that they'd lost whatever it was they had, and how they got it back.
Any helpful input would be greatly appreciated.
TLDR: In a rut, not a newbie, how do I get out?
I [29M] am feeling jealous and don't like the late nights my GF [24F] of 3 years is having with friends, particularly one coworker.
At first, a few weeks ago I realized we don't go out enough particularly because of me. The relationship was becoming complacent, with little to no intimacy. My lifestyle is very regimented, and I do feel I put in more effort to take care of us in terms of living/food. Anyway, we had a conversation I committed to being more receptive about going out. I also brought up her coworker and she basically said they're just friends and she's committed to me. At this point, she's been going to a lot of social gatherings with groups for a few months now.
I was okay with her going out and me staying at home but it became more frequent and she'd always be later than when she said. Like 2-3 hours later, so I'm expecting her back at 8PM (she's been out since noon) but she's back at 11PM. I expect her back around midnight, she's back around 2AM. Another night she was out with this friend and her brother and she didn't come back, she stayed at her brothers so it was a surprise to me when there's no one next to me in bed in the morning.
It's always been she hung out with her brother, which I was ok with. But then she became friends with a coworker and then it became a trio where they were going out often and I joined maybe 1 every 4 times, so I have met him. There's certain things she avoids doing with the coworker but I still was a bit uncomfortable with certain parts of their coworker's dynamic when we're hanging out.
Early into this, I told her I was uncomfortable with the time she spent with her coworker and she needed to set boundaries. She shouldn't go out with him alone. This was also after I found out she went with him to pick out a cat to adopt(she loves cats, we just adopted one last year). I'm not sure what else she had done, but she was asking if it was weird to have lunch with him and I said yes, I think so. So she's been hanging out with him + her brother most of the time, or him and other friends from work.
When she comes back or I do hang out together with her and her friends she's very affectionate. So it's nice to see her happy since she had been down, in the past complaining about a lack of friends. But it affects me a lot that, particularly because this is a single male friend. I'd probably be less worried if her friends were female but she's mostly into games and nerdy stuff which is male dominated. I don't think she would physically cheat on me but I'm struggling. I don't know her thoughts but from what she's said, she's strictly looking at him as a friend.
I've said a couple of times to her, maybe we aren't compatible because I don't go out enough. If she likes him, sobeit, just let me go and move on, but she says no it's not like that. She's confident in our relationship. But she throws it back on me that questioning if I have lost confidence in our relationship. I didn't know how to answer. I am committed to working it out but it's taking a toll on me.
Last night she went out to a concert she said she was going to invite her brother and the coworker so I assumed he was there. I texted her and her brother last night when she wasn't answering. Turns out, her brother didn't go. She told me later when she came back around 2AM that he didn't respond. She went with the coworker and a couple of their friends. Coworker dropped her off home, I'm assuming they were carpooling with other friends too...
Her brother then texted me this morning that he had no idea about a concert. Possibly the message/call could have dropped because our phones have had that happen before but this has thrown me awry. Seems like there would have been more effort to try to get her brother to answer right?
I'm at a loss. Am I being controlling if I ask her to reduce contact? Do I need more perspective? I don't want to restrict her life. I want her to be able to do things without me, and I was fine with her going out with her brother, but this now is too much for me with the coworker, and even if not just that coworker, late night out with any friends has been difficult to handle. I end up sleepless and anxious.