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Transcript of George Webb Video Series Part 236 "Hillary's Leakers, Hackers, and Henchmen" [@Georgwebb / #HRCRatline]

  • >>>CONT
    • We've talked to people at Task Force and I talked to two hundreds of people
    • We stopped the bus we stopped the Washington go bus
    • We stopped the people going into the African American Museum
    • Six small children we counted believe this story
    • It's such an obvious throw, because Trump mentioned Awans
    • Trump mentioned the Awans
    • They thought ok well here it is that's is it this--there's just five classified emails and they're all about hairstyles of the Middle Eastern leaders
    • Now fraid not. Nobody's buying that story
    • Here over here with the DEA in Chantilly you're gonna find Jaquaya is gonna be a DEA operative
    • Now she's not a DEA agent but Chuck way is gonna be a part of a sting operation in Springfield, Virginia
    • Her brother Malik is going to be a part of recruiting
    • We know this is going to be true it's going to be the operation Cassandra right
    • So again, you can wait Schumer and ship you can wait for this story to develop on how that Awan's were involved in Cassandra
    • And how Jacquayla was the part of the honeypot
    • You can wait.
    • Just wait
    • It's gonna come out.
    • Don't worry about that
    • It's gonna come out
    • Here with the conflicts of interest with Mueller
    • We had that story yesterday
    • Mueller having a secret account in the Caymans, sweeping money to a secret account
    • There's varying accounts of how much he enriched himself during the US with the US Enrichment Corps...
    • ...From $1,000,000 when he started as FBI director 2001
    • Various estimates have his wealth going in 2011 to 10 million
    • Some have them going to 50 million
    • We don't know exactly, but this is a bad thing to happen
    • A Cayman sweep account while you're investigating the president United States, and you're throwing stones
    • Here we have Tatum
    • Tatum now is the face
    • He is the SEIU janitor
    • Really a black guy who changes his name to a muslim name, because that is part of this DNC cover, right?
    • He now becomes the face
    • So now anytime I say the SEIU janitor--he's not really SEIU janitor
    • You see this face, when we talk about an SEIU janitor, and all the nefarious things the SEIU janitors [do]
    • Again, one out of 50 50 great ones one bad one that's how the infiltration works
    • Here Chalupa still no one in there still nobody's covering this story, with the Chalupa--the hot mess being dropped in Obama's lap with the PP FISA
    • I did see Graham Senator Graham come out and say yes the PP Dossier was used to get the peepee FISA
    • And it's fitting and proper that the Chalupa would go into Obama's lap for the peepee dossier and the peepee FISA
    • It's very fitting and proper
    • So in one day just a tour de force
    • And it's not going to get any better
    • Luke-- the pressure needs to be put on Luke now, to put a face on the different people he's quoted different people he's quoted
    • Because every time he put a face on the story, the story unfolds
    • The story unfolds
    • This Tatum now with SEIU janitor--he needs to do this with Cristal Sharise Champaign Pepingion what I can't remember first name
    • Now crystal shareece Champaign Pepingion
    • He needs to do the same thing with Gilani--the woman who's beaten supposedly--the woman who's beaten three times
    • Wwe need those police reports to come out
    • This is going to happen
    • Schumer and Schiff can wait for it to become 50 watergate's
    • 100 watergate's or
    • 200 watergate's your choice Mr. Schumer
  • Day 71.2 FBI Thinks They Are the Seat of Government - YouTube
    • It Day 71
    • Actually we didn't go poll a bunch of children to see which children believed that this was--only five classified emails and there was only twenty eight hundred emails
    • We know there are six hundred and fifty thousand emails
    • We know that and we know it's not just five
    • So I just wanted to clear that up
    • {{ 911: the six children was a metaphor for Mainstream media pundits. Geez guys. Gawh! /s }}
    • Now the second thing is--here's your flashback from last year
    • I talked about the people in the Intelligence community State Department FBI CIA think of themselves as a permanent government
    • And they call the other government--the elected government "the transitional government" or the "transitory government"
    • And they actually call them transients
    • So they actually have this diminutive term
    • And it all goes back to J Edgar Hoover--he used to call himself the seat of government SOG
    • He used to have memo sent to him as SOG
    • They think of themselves as the seat of government
    • Andy McCabe thinks of himself as the seat of government
    • {{ George plays clip of Day 71 last year with so much echo the autocaptions are messed up and impossible }}
    • And how and how is the situation now with Antifa and La Raza and the other diversive groups--how is that different than what Hillary did in Europe in the 90s?
    • It's the same exact mo same exact modus operandi and it's happening
    • Now and they're using instead of the CIA overseas, just using the FBI
  • Day 71.3 BREAKING - FBI RAID in Sterling, Va - YouTube
    • It's Day 71 and this is breaking news
    • The FBI just raided this home in Sterling, Virginia
    • I didn't attach any significance to it
    • I looked at the story this morning
    • But now True Pundit confirms that it's not related to the Trump White House
    • This is terror-related
    • And when I hear terror-related, and I hear Springfield, and I hear Sterling, which is very close by, and DISA being in Springfield etc, I think Awans
    • So I'm following up on this
    • The address here is 460
    • {{ Clip plays }}
    • So the address, again, is 46930 Courtyard in Sterling
    • So we're gonna run that address
    • Obviously we're gonna probably end up going there, talking to the neighbors
    • Snowing here today in DC, but that's not going to stop us
    • We're gonna see if we can get down there
    • Thanks everybody for the tips
    • Thanks Trish the Dish for alerting me to this story earlier this morning and appreciate the tip trash
  • Day 71.4 Andy McCabe Gives Up Laher DHS Programmer Frat House - YouTube
    • No Autocaptions (Portuguese)
    • I love it when McCabe does anything, esp. destruction of evidence
    • Fire in Bronx may be trying to destroy car parts
    • This FBI raid going to be to get rid of car records
    • In a raid you don't have to destroy them but you can put them into a vault
    • I think there will be a couple more fires for the chop shops in the Bronx
    • I believe this will go all the way back to CIA car dealership.
    • Believe those records were in Sterling or near
    • People are going to laugh at the clock tower, town center and 'sugarland'
    • Being near town center is useful for agents in terms of transportation
    • Not saying it was a flophouse for operatives but it looks like it
    • In the Bronx fire there is a MENSA named person
    • Discovery will find out if Kwasi Mensa is still in House working for Haas
    • Fire was very close to where George was investigating in the Bronx
    • Pamphleteers
    • CIA loves the glossy pamphlet--all over DC by the subway--to suck you into some kind of operative program
    • Drilling down on owners occupants
    • Dawn Frappalo
    • Pass DOL every day. Talk to EEOs everyday
    • Another address related to 930 address
    • Sean Duncan -- reminds G of Benghazi compliant alter boy
    • Luke went to Fawakih (Fawk it!) school to be radicalized.
    • Who teaches there? Laher. Gonna call him Laugher because his cover's a laugh
    • Where is this school? At the I I I T. The 111th T
    • Al Queda's base at MIT
    • Laher Harvard Georgetown George Mason
    • Georgetown John Podesta's CIA recruiting
    • George Mason a breakoff of Georgetown because we want an ALL CIA school
    • Movements starting in Boston -- recruiting for DHS programmers started there
    • UML for modelling software so you can piece it out and compartmentalize it out
    • This guy works for PTECH.
    • It's the Pakistani funnel for Jack Lew's money that he has in the Treasury to pour as much money as he can through Pakistsn
    • This terrorism is joke, this JTTF is a joke
    • It's really PTECH
    • IT's really a funnel to get money from the US Gov to fund DHS programs that the CIA doesn't want the American People to know about
    • Laher's other house is a 5 bedroom house--it's 'the animal house' is where they house other programmers to cycle through
    • Andrew McCabe thank you so much
  • Day 71.4. Did PTECH Laher Write PACT I for DHS at PTECH Frat House On Leesburg, Pike - YouTube
    • {{ 911: I screwed this one up }}
    • Suheil Laher -- laughing at how bad a terrorist he is
    • He is associated with this UAE ports deal through PTECH
    • He's currently part of a lawsuit in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia with PTECH
    • Bob Mueller's PTECH -- The PK technology company that Bob Mueller starts in 1998
    • Is Imran Awan and all the other conspirators part of PTECH as well?
    • Did Imran Awan and PTECH write the first DHS application called PACTS I, like a play on the word PAKS
    • Did they write PACTS II with Brillient?
    • Let's look at the map
    • Here's where Mr. Laher is, right of Leesburg pike is the PTECH Frat House
    • What's at the end of the Wiehle-Reston line? Brillient! They are so close
    • Follow the line out to the end and it's Dulles Airport -- Dulles Gardens
    • Where Irman had unlawful detainer and didn't pay his rent at the high end luxury apts at Dulles
    • George speculates up to 2006 PACTS I was written off somewhere near Greensboro line
  • Day 71.5 Is “Sean Duncan” Really Stephen Pettyjohn? - YouTube
    • Ok here we are on K Street
    • Sorry about the background noise
    • Day 71 I think this is gonna be five or six
    • The surprise of the day for me is this picture that I published earlier for Sean Duncan--the guy who supposedly was arrested for being out at this Sterling, Virginia location
    • This 46930 Courtyard in Sterling
    • And someone sent the picture to me saying this is him this is Sean Duncan
    • And then someone else working on a different thread, different investigation, sent me the same picture
    • And said this is Steve Pettijohn--FBI agent Columbus, Ohio
    • And I said well the Steve Pettijohn I know as an FBI agent Lynchburg, Virginia
    • Well sometimes they play the Ocean's eleven
    • Sometimes the guys who are actually FBI agents play the role of somebody getting arrested to kind of throw people off
    • I know that's hard for most people to believe in America, but it is true, if you're trying to cover up actually where your programmers are coming from--your elite programmers working on systems for DHS, that you don't want the people of the United States to know about
    • I know how conspiratorial this sounds but it's true
    • If if it is Steve Pettijohn the--my Steve Pettijon
    • The one that stopped me from getting to Piketon Ohio remember what's in Piketon Ohio the rodent murders as well as the down the uranium spinning facility the gas diffusion plants also the teardown of of these you have six uranium one containers
    • So I get stopped on the way there I'm almost there
    • Who would you call if you were Andrew McCabe and you had run uranium one
    • And you saw how close I was getting to Pike down to Pike converse of the rodent murders as well as that down at that gas diffusion plant which is where uranium one is based
    • Uranium one's going to have all the records of transport logistics RSB trucking etc
    • So that's the surprise of the day Piketown, Ohio
    • I think the reason I got stopped was this conspiracy has been--I think Steve Pettit John's gonna be a part of this
    • And I think Lisa Page when she was in Columbus
    • They made sure that the top European talent came through European adoption agency in Strongsville Ohio
    • Not saying trafficking
    • I'm saying the top talent came in if it was gonna come in the United States it came through European adoption agency pay to play
  • Day 72.1 - Proximity Analysis of Sterling FBI Raid - Cassandra HQ? - YouTube
    • It's day 72 here's your proximity analysis for the first version of the day
    • Here's where Imran owned 3 Pheasant Run Court here out in Sterling Virginia
    • This is the place where I think was the Cassandra operation center
    • This is 46930
    • This is where the raid was
    • The Shawn Duncan character was arrested is a very shaky story with the Shawn Duncan character
    • We have evidence as of last month, saying that there was a Muslim guy living there with a white woman
    • It wasn't Shawn Duncan
    • So this current story with the FBI is that person was living there four months
    • We'll have to drill down on those inconsistencies
    • But if you go just over here to 1200 Leesburg that's where the person that's been linked
    • That's the the Laher L A H E R person kind of the genius programmer from PTECH, which is short for Pakistani technology
    • That's where Shawn here Shawn Duncan said he was radicalized by this Laher guy
    • So you can see how close they are
    • If you look over here this is a five bedroom three bedroom three bathroom kind of condo--a very nice place
    • Very hidden kind of entry etc--kind of a McClane type operation it looks like there
    • And we'll have more on Laher...
    • Now here is where Imran down here near Dulles Airport is here
    • This is the 2150 Astoria Circle this is where the Dulles Green condos are
    • So if someone is coming in or coming out of Dulles, this is very convenient to drop them right here
    • If you have a bride for a Middle Eastern Sheik might be good to have them right there they can just kind of get on the plane and leave
    • We don't really know but we'll have to do more research
    • But for some reason Imran wasn't paying his rent here
    • And so much so that he had to be taken to court
    • Now if--the history of PTECH it goes all the way back unfortunately 9/11
    • And PTECH was kind of this funnel for keeping projects away from the eyes of the American people PTECH was this plan to bring in programmers from Pakistan (sound familiar?) to run Treasury project projects no-bid Treasury projects through here, for especially for DHS
    • DHS being kind of a U.S. arm of the CIA
    • And this company down here Brillient I think is the kind of the newest incarnation of PTECH Brillient writes this application called PACTS II
    • I don't know who wrote PACTS 1 for DHS but I believe it's going to be PTech
    • Now a lot of folks have speculated that PTech is now "Go Agile"--they've changed the name because of the 9/11 connotations and connections to PTech
    • But I think the function is very much the same: "keep this away from the eyes of the American people"
    • You could kind of hide in plain sight, but why is the why is DHS doing a logistics program when the independent shipping companies do their own?
    • Well it's so that they can have end-to-end shipping under video surveillance for themselves
    • Why would they want that?
    • Well you can imagine if you were running a gun for drugs network, that would be a very handy item indeed
    • Especially if you were also using uranium, and doing an illegal trade in uranium at the same time
    • You would want that capability, and that's exactly the capability that I think these Navy logistics or I'm going to call them the "Navy kids"--the Navy guys have put in here, and are being run and being paid for by the US taxpayer
    • So there's your logistical analysis
    • Now there is one other interesting thing and I've talked to a few people who work here at this Claude Moore farm
    • This Center for Cassandra
    • This Cassandra center that I'm going to call it right here
    • If you zoom in, is really close to this Claude Moore Park, which is a place where you go and learn you take your kids on the weekend
    • And you learn about the colonial days
    • It's actually pre pre-1776 kind of colonial days at this Claude Moore Park
    • I think it's over this a little bit
    • Claude Moore Park you over here right here Claud Moore park
    • Well now this is CIA folklore and I'm not going to say that this is reporting
    • But these parks are typically--nice use during the day, and then at night they have covert use
    • When you want to train operatives, that are coming in for finding and chasing people, this is the Hunger Games situation, you use places like this that are national park service places
    • I'll just click on it here excuse me
    • Very beautiful I've talked to people who work there
    • And you run at night you have to teach people how to use infrared, how to use the different--systems...
    • And then you feed that system back into the programmers
    • And say here's what we could do better--this person who was just wearing
    • Now this if you believe Kay Griggs--she was out there nude with just a pair of tennis shoes
    • And the reward for these guys--they want to give them that blood scent for hunting the reward is rape of the women they catch
    • Now that's Kay Griggs
    • So if you believe her that's fine
    • If you if you don't that's fine
    • But the idea of chasing someone and we're chasing people that are leaving in a situation is a hot pursuit idea is a something that is trained for
    • And you do use satellite
    • You do use reconnoitering you do use mapping skills
    • You use infrared sensors you use different teams and communication for finding people at night
    • So that's just a little CIA folklore with Claude Moore Park
  • Day 72.2 Drilling Down on DHS and Brillient - YouTube
    • Day 72 here's PTECH
    • And for those who aren't familiar with this big raid that happened here in 2002, they're based out of Quincy, Massachusetts
    • This is this Laher guy
    • Again, business process modeling--now remember that slaughter Laher guy is a UML guy
    • And UML is a way of doing business process modeling right
    • And then they were rated and the FBI--I mean they're not being subtle here--Operation Green Quest
    • {{ 911: YAY Operation Green Quest comes into the picture }}
    • Does that sound like "hey we want our percentage" or not they were rated by this kind of famous operation green quest
    • And here are all the different DynCorp backbone companies that they work for and you're gonna find that PTech actually had a top secret clearance
    • Again, these a lot of these folks unvetted coming from Pakistan--most of them coming from Pakistan
    • I believe of most of them un-vetted
    • You can see down here that talks about the office of foreign asset control
    • We've talked about this before major Saudi support in backing
    • And then here--we can talk about all the different clients
    • You can see they're very highly high on the list
    • If you didn't see the story when it first came out
    • I'll play a little clip
    • {{CLIP}} who believed in and financed radical Islamic extremist groups worldwide in an investigation done by CBS station wbz-tv three sources say our economy's the chief financial backer of PTECH that is PTECH board member Yakub Musa
    • He's an officer for a story of Islamic charities which have been a concern to the US government this becomes all the more on and we learn exactly what it is PTECH does
    • The company works in Enterprise Architecture the blueprint of an entire computer network
    • Computer consulting in Adirah Singh says such a company could gain full access to appliance data
    • That could be very dangerous
    • It can be devastating a dangerous
    • Especially when we examine the luster of ptex clients
    • The company's web page lists the FBI the IRS NATO the Air Force the Naval Air Command the department's of energy and education the Postal Service the US House is what
    • other sources say PTech has done business with the Department of Defense the Secret Service even the White House
    • {{end Clip}}
    • G: Did you notice how they said US House of Representatives?
    • So this has been a program since 1998
    • And I do believe it is to shelter programming projects DHS programming projects away from the American people
    • Now I just want to follow up on one thing before I get back to PTECH but a lot of people are saying hey you didn't--this Claude Moore park was on Turkey Run Road and Imran one owned this place out here at three pheasant 3 Pheasant run turkey run
    • Again, this is a CIA folklore is is this Kay Griggs type of thing where you let the wild animal go running and then you you hunt it down
    • So but and everyone was trying to equate that with the UAE burning down the UAE mansion burning down, which is also at the end of turkey run
    • Well there's no there's a lot of physical distance here between the two
    • They just use that expression pheasant run or turkey run to talk about the Kay Griggs's type situation
    • But it does look remarkably like this is the mansion this is UAE retreat
    • It does look remarkably like the the retreat out in Russian retreat out in Maryland I mean just it just does look like that
    • So I can see where people get the idea that hey these are all Turkey runs that people are setting up okay
    • Now back to PTECH
    • This is the PACTS's program and I keep referring to the PACTS this is the program management
    • Again, that's what PTECH does is program management
    • So controlling this process is controlling these program management bids
    • This is where you model a project, and then you mete out different segments for different companies
    • And you notice down here it's a 100% set-aside, service-disabled, veteran-owned, small business program
    • Immediately I thought of purple shovels--just purple shovels
    • Purple shovels is the perfect cover for doing this kind of Isis stuff
    • Now the other program that DHS manages is this technical aquisition this called tabs
    • This technical technical acquisition and the first person I thought of here was CACI computer science corporation
    • These major contractors that have--this is for the technical aspect--not the program management but the technical acquisition
    • If you look down into the awards you're gonna see Brillient in both of them
    • So here are the awards there's kind of an unrestricted and
    • Again, a small business set-aside
    • If you sit in Union Station and just listen to people talk about set-aside businesses for DHS and DOD, you can you can sit there all afternoon and listen to people negotiate deals at Union Station waiting for trains
    • I just did it
    • But here again, here's Boo's Hamilton with this contract here
    • And then these are the big boys down here
    • We have khaki
    • And who do I think of when I think of khaki
    • Well I think of it's almost all of our initials crystal champagne cherries Pepin Yellin Miss khaki
    • So is she the lawyer for khaki crystal champagne cherries peponi own wallet we'll find out
    • And then of course CSC and then as you as you go down here these are kind of like the companies that are being brought in with the different
    • I don't know all the background of all these different different companies, but it does seem like they're bringing in these Pakistani companies to make these small businesses
    • So then bid on this set-aside type business
    • I guess that's the bottom line there
    • And then finally I'll just end with this Twitter somebody tweeted out--me as Columbo
    • And then the next and then the next one was Gary Webb talking about Dark Alliance the CIA guns for drugs comparing that to the stuff I've been doing
    • So kind of one of those bittersweet moments where--you go oh that's nice for somebody to say I'm a Columbo
    • But then the next thing gets posted is Gary Webb, which obviously he ended up committing suicide by shooting himself twice in the head, in a very what I call a questionable suicide
    • And there's the Columbo thing if you haven't seen people posting that funny thing there
    • So and I'm not familiar with who these folks are
    • But I want to say to them thanks very much for calling me George Colombo Webb
  • Day 72.3 Drilling Down on Sean Duncan FBI Raid - YouTube
    • This is Day 72 and this is part three and
    • So the internet searching for Shawn Duncan Shawn Duncan who are you Shawn Duncan
    • There was a lot of interest when everybody thought this was had something to do the raid and Sterling Virginia had something to do with Trump
    • And it's still some interest, because of--the connection to Cassandra
    • But this kid here is trying to raise money for the Fawakih I call it fawk it but it's really Fa Wa Key Institute this for walkie Institute
    • This is the Institute that is associated with our friend from Harvard our friend from Harvard
    • So our friend from Harvard is up here this Laher, not to be confused with Daher--the one that company that bought to transport logistics for the uranium (although there may be a connection there)
    • And this is the place where the raid was the FBI raid was at this 46930 Courtyard square
    • Now I had somebody who actually at this Claude Moore Park who worked here
    • And there's another Claude Moore Park very close to the CIA--that's the one Kate Griggs said she was at, not this one sorry but
    • There's two I didn't know there was two Claude Moore parks
    • But anyway he had said they moved the CIA car dealership from Falls Church
    • They moved it out here to Sterling to be close to the airport
    • I don't know whether that was getaway or whatever
    • But it may be because the safehouse here
    • This is a very safe location there's a berm built up around it if you see my my previous episodes
    • It's five bedrooms very nice place
    • But you can't see it from the road
    • And there's this kind of built-up berm their surveillance
    • There's this winding road to get to it
    • So all the things you would want in a safehouse
    • And then the there was speculation here that for privacy or whatever Imran may have been living over here with this white blonde girl, that I saw in court
    • So this person had I believe went to court as well and saw that person
    • And so there was the speculation that this was actually where Imran was living
    • We don't know that to be true
    • But anyway, this law Laher, the guy who had this address this 12000 Leesburg Pike is a very big speaker at this Fawakih Institute right here down the street
    • And then you can see here that Imran holds this place at Dulles Green
    • This is the place where he had unlawful detainer where he didn't pay his rent
    • And then of course Dulles Airport right there
    • And then of course there's the end of the line of the Metro which is Brillient right here
    • So I'm sure they're gonna move it out to here closer to the airport when that line is finished
    • So that's just a quick follow up on some of the addresses...and the Fawakih Institute who that is
    • Is Sean--now this Sean Sean guy is supposed to be one of the guys that goes to this Fawakih Institute this Sean Duncan
    • So that's the connection there to the Fawakih Institute
  • Day 72.4. January 3rd Nunes Deadline For FBI - YouTube
    • Day 72 This is part 4
    • Here on a very cold and empty Washington DC
    • I just wanted to give everybody a legal update
    • The judge Contreras has reset all the calendars over to Feb 4
    • So we have a little bit of time now
    • Hopefully we have our Macduff who will be ready to go here in DC and--to represent our 1000 or so plaintiffs
    • And of course the next big deadline that's coming is Devin Nunes January 3rd
    • He's said he's going ahead with a contempt citation for Rosenstein, Andy McCabe at FBI, if they don't come up with all the relevant documents
    • So that's the next significant day, which is very interesting to have a deadline that is not on a day when Congress is in session
    • That's very interesting
    • But it has been more than six months
    • I think seven months now since they've ignored the subpoena
    • So this will be very interesting in terms of production of documents for our case
    • Right back over here
    • Everything that Nunes does leverages our case
  • Day 72.5. Brillient Strategy - All Network Blueprints,Passwords, and Bids - YouTube
    • Day 72 very cold and
    • This is Brillient Brillient did PACTS too but they also I think did TABS PACTS and TABS
    • Well PACTS really is the project management piece
    • PACTS is a pact with the DHS between PAK ISI--well maybe not PAK ISI, but at least PACT technology paycheck and DHS
    • Was it a program that was added by DHS--really CIA's arm in the U.S.--to do product development that Americans really shouldn't know about?
    • A covert set of projects that Americans shouldn't know about?
    • Well I'm not sure
    • But I do know it does place all the project managers into all the different DynCorp backbone
    • These are this is the FBI the Secret Service the House of Representatives the White House...and they have connections to Imran Awan
    • So we have to look at those projects those DHS projects
    • Remember Imran Awan is sitting in the chief guys office in the US Congress, that funds DHS, which is Andre Carson
    • And they are playing video games
    • Now we know that [email protected] is connected to a video network
    • And we know that's a common way to communicate for a surreptitious network
    • So this is a very standard practice as far as in the spycraft industry
    • So we really have to look at PACTS 2
    • And also have to look at TABS, which is the technical acquisition
    • They're writing the programs for who actually is doing--remember PTECH did a survey of all the networks of all the most secure networks
    • So DoD, FBI, CIA etc
    • So they have all the keys--It's the master blueprints!
    • They did the Brillient: It's a Brillient plan!
    • They did all the master blueprints for all of our most secure agencies done by PAK ISI on the end of a video gaming network, with terabytes going to Pakistan [and also using dropbox email] [email protected]
    • It is clear and present danger that it demands a special prosecutor
  • Day 72.6. Hawkshead Tevisited - YouTube
    • Very cold today here day 72 part six
    • So I'm right here at the door of 46930
    • Now we had a report that there was a 46927 that was associated with Imran Awan
    • As you can see it's every two the houses are numbered every two
    • We spoke to the folks who lived here we spoke to about four or five different residents we
    • It reminds you so much of the Hawkshead location, and I'll just take you around the side here
    • Up each one of these little entryways is a four different apartments at the top
    • So we talked to like I said four different folks and everyone said Amazon packages--always at the front door there
    • But this reminded me
    • So much of the Hawkshead situation where you had people coming and going kind of in this back alley
    • Kind of parking by this kind of shielded area, and then walking down this kind of back alleyway
    • And we had Task Force say that that--one of the women was following this Middle Eastern guy that was doing that
    • And kind of going down the back alley to--we stopped at the place that they said was the home that had gotten raided
    • It's got a covering over all the back
    • So it's just it's a nice cul-de-sac area part of Sterling, Virginia
    • So we just couldn't find 27
    • Somebody can find it?
    • We didn't find it
    • We'll come back if we can get a location on it
    • But we need more data and no one seemed to recognize the guy
    • They had only seen him once or twice and no one seemed to recognize Imran Awan
  • Day 72.7. Fawakih School Radicalized Sean Duncan By Laher? - YouTube
    • This is gosh he'll lose track 72 this is probably the seventh version today third and Van Buren third and Van Buren eight hundred eight hundred third Street is where the full Waukee not the fuck it but the 'fl Waukee school is I Task Force went to twelve thousand Leesburg speak very loudly and we'll post video of that a little bit later right no no pass no trespassing signs there but it's it's a modest home but there were some outbuildings there you said there was nothing abarnes look like a bar looked like they were kind of like tables like some school but it would like it more like a an outdoor trade school and rather than a sit-down school
    • So this is the for Waukee school I don't know which ones 800 but somebody ran over there thing which is terrible
    • So I don't know if that's 800 or not and this one says classic office is 800 there
    • So that looks like more like to school there yeah yeah
    • So that looks like more like to school it's got like some commercial parking yeah and I don't know if it's probably I guess we could probably go in and say hello I mean that would be the least we could do we'll go up to the sign here let's show it from what kind of all angles looks like a kind of a nice school [Music] 800 third Street professional Plaza
    • So yeah look kind of nice there's Herndon Herndon it's kind of a neat place
    • So yeah let's check it out look at those that tower with all the microwave on that thing cell tower city all my stars looks like we got Christmas tree up here somewhere all that taskforces knock on the door here this is kind of good I've never had and never been able to do all this--carrying one thing carrying the Imran hard drives with me everywhere about ready to go to Dulles with my hard drive
    • So and of course we've come here on it's Sunday
    • So this is the full Waukee school this is supposedly the school that radicalized our Sean Duncan and this is supposed to be kind of this famous guy this super programmer this UML programmer which is unified modeling language and he is LA hair LA hair lah-lah a re
    • So there you have it there's your report the radicalizing school doesn't look like that it's that radicalizing but I guess these schools can be radicalizing you don't even know it
  • Day 72.8. Dulles Green - Unlawful Detainer For Imran Awan - YouTube
    • Here we are day 72 I think this part 8
    • So here we are at Dulles Green Dulles Green is kind of a high end--the condos here kind of higher-end
    • This is where this unlawful detainer comes in which just means you're not paying your rent
    • So much so that they took them to court and
    • So this is going to be February the 19th 2016
    • One thing that seems to be the repeating theme is Imran always goes for the tennis courts--he goes with the tennis courts
    • I don't know why that is
    • But if we'll walk back here to the pool area
    • And of course we won't be going as a pool today, but you see it's kind of a nice more upscale place
    • This is very close to the Dulles Airport
    • So--maybe it's somebody who's hosting
    • This would be a good place for Zero Footprint, because you get off the plane, it's five minutes to Dulles Green here, and you can have your cookout, you can have your halal meat there all set up ready to go and--whatever is in the halal meat yes load that if you want
    • But there you have it: Dulles Green
    • Three of those unlawful detainers
    • Well with three beatings and two unlawful detainers in one year for Imran
    • And I can't get any other records
    • I can't get any of the records for my case
    • So far
  • Day 72.9. 3 Pheasant Run, 3 Dead Santas - YouTube
    • Day 72 the last one for today
    • We're just trying to get them all done
    • So we can say we finished the year we got every property
    • And you never know what anybody thinks--
    • I mean just people run the property they--this is 3 Pheasant Run by the way
    • 3 Pheasant Run in Sterling it's a beautiful little street
    • And hey how's it going and a lot of dead Santa's here somebody killed all three Santa's, which is kind of nasty {{ note the white contractor van }}
    • But anyway this is it three pheasant run somebody headed yell at me from the street across
    • So and who knows if you're gonna be your last hour lyft driver
    • This is a good story our Lyft driver well not a good story our lyft driver was shot 11 years ago
    • The guy fired 66 rounds and he was hit 7 times
    • {{ 911: Those are winky numbers George, how's that happen? Reload 4-5 magazines (assume glock 15 rounds) and can't hit the broad side of a barn?? I think he was trying to tell you that 66 is 7, but who is 66? }}
    • And he lived to tell about it they said you're gonna die
    • Anyway he told a funny story he got off the helicopter after he got a transfusion in Baltimore this is in Baltimore, which is about 350 or 360 and in terms of murders this year
    • And anyway he said "I got a piss"
    • So that was a I don't know he thought it was funny
    • So I thought I'd retell that story
submitted by 911bodysnatchers322 to TruthLeaks

Advice for being a loner

Note that my actual questions are on the second to last paragraph and most of this is background info on me. I don’t expect for all my questions to be answered and most of not all of you won’t read this for how long it is. But I felt I had to write this and get some of this off my chest. I’m just looking for advice. I’ve included a lot and probably even forgot to include some things but yeah I gave it my best shot. Also my grammar is really bad sorry.
I feel weird opening up here and asking for advice. What I’m about to write is going to be quite long as well. I’m trying to get all my ideas/questions out and trying to be as specific as possible. I want to note that I’m not looking for any sympathy here. Again I just want advice.
Alright so here it goes. So to start off I’m a 19 year old
In high school I always hanged out with this group but they always seemed like fake friends to me. They would always make plans with each other without me and have inside jokes I never understood. I only really talked to them in lunch and outside of school they just forgot about me despite my efforts to message them. They never would reply back. Except for this one guy but I always felt he was just cool to me out of pity. We would sometimes hang out but we don’t have much in common. He likes to drink smoke weed (sometimes), and party and it’s hard for me to relate to him. Lately we have been communicating less and less. After I graduated I have not been able to communicate with any of my “high school friends” despite my best efforts again. I would message them and ask if they would want to hang out. They would say for sure but then come up with a excuse that they couldn’t only for me to see them hang out on social media with each other. Even the one that hanged out with due to pity would not tell me anything probably because he knew I would feel bad. I guess I was the odd one out in the group despite some other members of the group I hanged out with being weirder and edgier in my opinion. I have since gave up in trying to reconnect with them and decided to try and move on especially as time went on because I want to avoid a awkward situation/conversation.
Also I would like to add that my high school was very small with a few students. In theory this is better to connect with your peers but eventually I wasn’t able to get to know others despite seeing them everyday because friendship groups closed off once they were established and I would be labeled as the loner kid. It’s like people saw through me despite me sitting at a table with others during lunch. Probably because everyone had each other on social media due to my school being small and never saw me hanging out with any of those people. Put Two and two together and they knew. And no thankfully I was not bullied and people treated me kindled. However I was still labeled. It’s just human nature to label others which I understand, especially at out young age where our lack of experiences in life cause us to lack understanding in others therefore lacking empathy. Anyways this label caused people to not really want to talk to me (now people didn’t avoid me they just didn’t put the effort to get to know me like they did with others because they were not interested. Besides who would be interested in getting to know someone with almost no social experience. When getting to know people it seems that people want to hear stories about that person which unfortunately I don’t really have. Therefore conversations would be one sided with me trying to get to know that person and that never works out based on my experience)because our survival instincts make it so that we stay away from people with labels that have negative connotations which is why people tend to gossip I guess. Now this is understandable and I don’t hate any of the people I went to high school with
Now I’ve tried sports such as mixed martial arts but unfortunately I lost interest and didn’t stay in them. I’m not good at sports at all and I know Joining a spirts team is a good way to make friends but how could a 19 year old who has never played a sport competitively join a sport and keep up with everyone else. I feel like I would be cast out of a sports social group because I don’t watch sports, know much about sports and I don’t play sports and am not good at them. If I were to join a sport i believe I would have needed to join one from when I was young so that I could improve along the rest of my piers. Also I recently joined the gym but have not yet felt improvement in my mood from working out. Feeling good while working out is temporary for me. And I’m also constantly overthinking of what others think of me when I work out which discourages me a little which I know I shouldn’t think about since most people are too into their workout to care. And now it sucks that gyms are closed since the corona virus outbreak so now I need to find alternatives to stay healthy and workout. I also looked for outside social communities but all the ones I found have people ages 30 and up around my area and I really don’t want to chill with older strangers. I could join online communities but it doesn’t help fill that void Within me.
Anyways fast forward to college. My first semester was the worst. I tried making friends and it was very difficult. The atmosphere was different from high school which is normal to experience. However I was able to make a few acquaintances from there but I never really hit it off with anyone. I would see everyone in the college talking to one another and I would feel like I was the only one who was alone and friendless. A very bad feeling. Then the beginning of my second semester came I met this group of people. Now they seemed nice and we actually had a same class from the first semester but was unable to talk to them because they happened to sit on the other side of the classroom. They already made friends with another in the first semester but I joined late to the group. But in the second semester although not having much in common from what I know so far, we seemed to get along. I think I could safely say that we are beyond acquaintances but not necessarily good friends. We are just friends or if there’s a level in between acquaintance and friend then we are probably there. Still for some reason sometimes I think they use me since I’m really good at my classes(what I mean by this is that I pay attention and do all my work. People consider me smart but I honestly don’t agree with them. I think I have pretty average intelligence. I’m smart for some things but for others I am not). Not all the time but they ask me a lot about questions for the class which I don’t mind to answer because I like helping others (and get annoyed with myself sometimes when I don’t know how to help them despite being good at a particular class) but at times it can get annoying. Now it works out I guess because I ask them questions sometimes. What I’m trying to say is that they like me as a friend but I don’t feel they respect me as a friend which I struggled to find throughout my entire life. I want to be friends with people but I don’t want them to be friends with me just to use me for a particular period of my life and vice versa with me unconsciously using them. Anyways I was taking the friendship slow and didn’t want to rush it in any way. I didn’t want to mess it up. Also they have there own lives, work have girlfriends etc. which is fine. I’m not complaining about this and am not trying to control people. They also knew each other longer so they invite each other out to places which is also fine because unlike my high school “friends” We only just met a couple of weeks ago. I knew the people in high school for longer and it felt more crappy for them to leave me out despite my efforts. But then guess what. This stupid corona virus stuff happened, classes were canceled and it’s hard to take a friendship anywhere when you don’t see the people. Now we do communicate from time to time when it comes to online classes. We haven’t lost our friendship but I see that we soon will. It’s inevitable which I know is fine. It’s also hard for me to meet new people outside this group.
Anyways I’m not sure but I think my loneliness has caused me to develop depression. Although I never was diagnosed by a medical professional. I just get these stages where I’m really sad which is the reason I started to write this (which makes me feel better slightly). There’s also other reason for my depression (again I wasn’t diagnosed by a psychiatrist I just have a good feeling I have it) such as not finding a passion or purpose in my life yet that gives me a clear goal/idea/road/direction in my life (I am working on this by taking baby steps and making short term goals. For example I recently made the small goal of getting my drivers license and was able to achieve that). I also get anxiety when thinking about my future. It’s hard for me to live in the present . I’m either thinking about the past wishing I was younger again and could do things over differently or I’m either overthinking the future or current problems if this I wrote isn’t evidence enough(what I wrote here could be classified as a memoir at this point). I do tend to overthink a lot and pace back and forth when I do. Pacing helps me think when I’m angry, frustrated, sad etc. I noticed I’m pacing while I write this to help my mind flow and not to get my mind blocked which happens if I stand still. Weird I know lol. I hate to admit but at times I cry myself to sleep and begin to hate myself for feeling sorry for myself which adds to it. My loneliness and being a loner especially doesn’t help when I’m technically a only child with no people my age really to talk to. My sibling are 8 to 11 years apart and are much older. Nothing against talking to adults, I quite enjoy it sometimes. I learn a few things or two from those who are older sometimes. It’s just that I want to be able to talk more to those my age as-well for a change so that I could act my age and enjoy my youth (what’s left of it) while I still can. I never had experiences with friends like the majority of people in around me had. I never even gotten into a little trouble when I was young which is a blessing but it’s also makes me think “damn, I never truly lived, I kind of just existed.” It’s hard to be lonely especially when you are stuck in a room(this world) where everyone is social, getting notifications on there phone from their friends messaging them. I can’t remember the last time I got a message from a friend just to talk and not to discuss class work, homework and school projects. It’s come to the point where I began to envy and resent people who have human connection that I don’t, which I know isn’t a good emotion to have. I’m trying to work on that like I’m trying to work on literally every aspect about myself. It’s the best I could do honestly. I play video games and love watching movies, which helps me to escape these thoughts. Video games is kind of my hobby(which I know isn’t the best hobby to have when it comes to being active but it is extremely common. I personally think it’s considered a passerby because should a hobby be something you enjoy doing that productive. Video games aren’t that productive but yeah I enjoy the hell out of them. Especially when they tell a good story which is why I like watching movies. And actually I’ve slowly began to get into books for this reason. But also I like to play video games competitively. Now I do play a lot but I’ve recently decided to limit the amount of time I play so that I don’t play for hours on end anymore and can do other things with my life). Another one of my “hobbies” is watching YouTube content which also helps me to escape. However I feel like I’m using these things more as a crutch for my loneliness and depression and it’s slowly making it worse, while Turning my brain into mush.
Now all of this is mostly my fault, I know. I have no one to blame but my self and take full responsibility despite many factors leading me to this moment of my life where I’m writing this here (interesting how life works. If you think about it every decision of your life has lead you to reading this comment if you read it. If one of your decisions no matter how minor may have been different there’s a chance where you wouldn’t be reading this at all. Or I wouldn’t have mustered the courage to write this). In high school I could have done more. I could have joined clubs, tried out more sports to see if I was interesting instead of just soccer, basketball and mix martial arts. I could have not argued with one of my friends in highschool (we were both wrong for arguing with each other looking back at it. He was being a asshole to me and I lost my temper and lashed out on him. Now when I think about it it happened multiple times. I hate when people decide to be assholes for no reason. It really hurts me in the inside and I guess I don’t know how to show this and instead show it with anger. ) which cause me to be more distant with the rest of friends because they obviously took his side before listening to both sides of the story :(. Also what doesn’t help is that I tend to hide my emotions. I don’t like to show them or open up to others and be vulnerable which is partly why I’m using this reddit to write anonymously. This is probably a common human struggle to express emotions especially for men. Men are required to suck it up and keep it moving according to societal standards anyway since we are supposed to be strong both physically and psychologically (which is partly the way it should be in my opinion but it also isn’t healthy when it becomes excessive). When I do turn to people such as my mother about me feeling like I may be depressed, she tells me to suck it up and gets a little angry at me. Now my mother isn’t abusive or a mean person. She is very nice actually and I really love her. I understand where she’s coming from. She feels like there is no reason for me to be depressed. To understand this way of thinking you need to understand where she is coming from and put yourself in her shoes. I proabably expressed my personal frustration with my self in the wrong way which I regret because I probably made her feel like crap. My mother grew up and busted her a** to get where she’s at now. My mother is now a single hard working mother who makes a lot of sacrifices for me and my siblings (especially when they were also around my age and younger). This may be cliche to say since many people say it but my mother is really tough and has brought herself from being poor to being middle class and living very comfortably. She always taught me that I had to work for what I wanted which I completely agree with. I don’t think anything comes for free in this world. Anyways I basically get everything I could have possibly needed and wanted when I was younger. I grew up with a strong foundation for me to mainly focus on my education and become whatever I want if I put my mind into it with sweat and tears if need be. I even have my older siblings as good role models as they have led successful careers. Unfortunately other people my age can’t say the same and for those people I am sorry, especially if your reading this thread with my small first world problems . I really shouldn’t have any right to complained. I am basically spoiled. I am completely grateful for everything I had leading you to this point in my life even though it may not sound like I am at times. However I don’t think mental illness discriminates against anyone no matter who you may be or what you may achieve in life. Unfortunately I think my mental illness has been keeping me from achieving my full potential in life. Perhaps I’m focusing on the wrong things on life. This has added to my depression due to me feeling depressed. Imagine getting all the tools you need to lead a successful life and then you still feel depressed. Like shame on me for feeling depressed. I shouldn’t feel depressed. Me feeling depressed under these circumstances makes me feel more depressed for feeling depressed and so I and so on. It’s like a endless unhealthy loop I seem like I can’t get out of. Since I have no one to really turn to now because of me not feeling comfortable explaining this to those who love me I’m turning to reddit (I know I’m a genius for this idea. Reddit! Yeah; I’m saying this sarcastically). I would like to add here that my father seems to be proud of me seemingly for no reason, telling others about my accomplishments and what a great son I am due to how dedicated I am in school and getting a education. I think that my accomplishments are no big deal. I hate praise because I don’t like to be put up in a pedi stool and make others look up to me or feel ashamed with there selves because they are comparing theirselves. Like how I compare my self to others and feel ashamed at where I’m at when I know we are all running our own race. It also places a burden on me if I don’t live up to his expectations. It adds to my depression. I want to make both of my parents and my parents proud which means being the best I could be which isn’t always easy. It’s not easy to give 110 percent everyday and I look in awe at how my parents do it. I really look up to them but I have admittedly been falling short of expectations maybe due to my depression and loneliness. And yet my father still praising me. Dad pls stop I know you love me and no matter what happens you’ll feel proud but man is life hard sometimes. Ironically though I do aspire to be a leader(more metaphorically) on the profession/care I take one day which is contradictory because doesn’t being a leader mean people will look up to men. That would be cool but I want people to look up for me for the right reasons and not be Jealous or envious of me cashing them to hate or resent me which jealously and envy tends to lead to. I want to inspire hope in others and/or become a master in the career I take so that I can teach others some tricks and skills that can be useful. I don’t want to be a boss. In my opinion a boss is different from a leader. A boss orders and sits behind while his men do the work. A boss is just a position where you can point fingers. A leader on the other hand only expects his men to do what he can do. He is usually in the front leading his men and setting a path for them to walk on while inspiring hope in them. Being a leader doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a high job position or title. It just means people look up to you for the right reasons. A leader in my opinion is usually a person who is strong minded and doesn’t quit, tremble or shutter in the face of adversity. They take challenges head even if it means that there’s a possibility they can be defeated. Anyone can be a leader. However I think I should experience being lead before I become a leader. Becoming a leader is not something that happens day or night. It’s something that takes time and practice. After all a leader is still a human being and makes mistakes in their quest to become a leader and during their leadership. It’s not a promotion to be a standard worker to being a boss. I am far from being a leader and have a lot of self work to do if I want to become one. I always thought wanting this was weird about me. However if I want to be a leader I need to develop my social skills
Also what I would like to add is that throughout my childhood it was hard for me to make human connections with my piers because my mother was very overprotective of me (especially since I’m her only boy and am the youngest.) which meant that she wouldn’t really allow me to hang out with friends and it would be a miracle if she did. This causes my friends that I had to naturally think it was me making excuses and not wanting to hang out with them which caused them to distance themselves from me and eventually end the friendship. She thankfully had stopped doing this as often but the damage had already been done. My situation with my mother reminds me of the myth of Baldur specifically the one from the game god of war. Baldur is a Norse (Aesir) God and is the god of light, joy, purity and the summer sun. He is the son of Odin the Norse (Aesir) king of gods and The goddess Frigg. Anyways Frigg saw a prophecy that her son was going to die and his death was going to cause ragnorok(the Norse term for Armageddon or what we know it as the apocalypse). Frigg like most mothers loved her child so much so she decided to protect her child even if it meant going to extreme measures to do so. This led her to thinking selfishly so she cast a spell on her son and took away the ability for him to feel anything at all. He became completely numb. This spell also made it so that no object in the universe could harm her son. However she forgot to ask one object and forgot to place it under the spell. The mistletoe. The mistle toe essentially became the one object that could possibly kill baldur and break the spell. One would think wow wouldn’t it be great to not feel pain and to live a life with little fear of dying but no it wouldn’t. See like immortality(like how in other popular stories immortality makes one see all there loved ones pass away and everyone they get close to eventually pass away while they are forced to keep living), being robbed of ones feeling of anything also robs them of some of the pleasures life has to give. I think that this in this myth is used as a metaphor and a cautionary tale that reflects reality. In the story Baldur although still loving his mother resented this action by her. Eventually he began to very deeply associate this action with his mother and not only resented this action but his mother. He couldn’t stand the side of her as it reminded him of what she had done to him. Frigg would also Boast throughout Asgard and all the realms that nothing could harm her son. Everyone would try to kill her son to no avail. At the end of all versions of the myth, he ends up being killed by the god of mischief, Loki, who knew Frigg was cocky and had forgotten the mistletoe. By trying to protect her son, Frigg only drove her so away and ended up being the main cause for his downfall/death fulfilling the prophecy. Her need to overprotect her son is what kickstarted and fulfilled the prophecy in the first place and if she hadn’t done this spell on Baldur perhaps he would have lived a happier life and appreciated his mother more. I’m not saying I resent my mother. I don’t. I love her and hope that in the future I don’t begin to resent her but in the story my character would be Balder, my mother would be Frigg and life would be Loki. My believe my mother is overprotective because she doesn’t want me to experience the hardships she had growing up which mistakenly causes her to rob some of the pleasures from my life. Again my situation is mostly my fault I just chose to explain this portion like this so that those reading this would understand. I also say it a cautionary tale in my opinion because it’s like saying to let your kids go a little especially as they get older. They may begin to resent you if you continue to hold their hand everywhere they go in life instead of teaching them how to become independent. Also boasting about your children to others isn’t a good thing. No ones is perfect even your children no matter if your a parent and see that none of your child’s actions could make him a bad person. If you boast to the wrong person, those who hate you will look for a weakness in your success and take it away from you and tear you down peace by peace. It’s mostly human nature for others to do so in this world. After all a baby bird does stay in the nest for its entire life.
Back on topic of me asking for advice. I feel like I’m socially dumb. I don’t know how to initiate conversations, how to make convos flow or find ways to relate to others. I feel like I was a caged up bird my whole life and now that I’m older and am being released into the world I’m put at a sever disadvantage. This is probably the cause of my depression because I know I’m behind everyone else when it comes socially. I’m a nice person but I’m not perfect. I could work on things such as being a good friend to others if I want good friends. Believe me I try but it’s definitely not easy trying to be a good friend. I’m too hard on myself. I am a person who doesn’t like getting into problems with others and I’m slow to anger. But man when you get me angry I cannot control my temper because I bottle up my emotions and release them all at once which could potentially make dangerous if I don’t learn how to control it. I’m also not that funny of a person so it’s hard to make others laugh. I often look around me and look in awe how people start conversations and seemingly make bonds easily while I struggle. I also try to learn from these people but I also don’t want to be nosy. Now i can be considered a shy person with a slightly low self esteem but once I get to know a person it’s easy for me to talk to talk to them. It’s just that initial icebreaker. Even then connections with other people don’t last with me. I am a person who tries to be positive but when I’m angry or frustrated I think negatively and automatically assume the worst in myself I tend to laugh a lot too but deep down I’m hurting on the inside and don’t know necessarily why. My depression gets so bad sometimes I physically feel it in my chest.
People seem to think I’m weird or get uncomfortable if there’s a pause in a conversation leading to awkward silences. Especially the ladies it seems. It’s like women expect men to keep the conversation flowing and be funny, witty and charming. It’s like they unconsciously want men to be leaders despite wanting equality (or do people want equity. It seems like many people including myself get the definition of equity and equality mixed up with each other despite them meaning two different things). It seems that a lot of women look up to men and this translates to little and simple things as well such as regular conversations. Well most of the time from what I observe. People also seem to be weird when I do talk and talk about some of the topics I’m interested in such as talking about certain movies. For some reason I almost always have different opinions from the rest of society or it seems like this from those around me which causes people to further dislike me. People now and days seem to get really upset when there a difference in opinion from one person to the next. Especially with all these social movements going around now. It’s like I don’t fit it with my generation or time and was born by mistake and in the wrong time. I don’t think people’s opinions should define whether or not you like a person. I thinks it’s healthier to develop relationships with those who have opinions that don’t only align with yours. Also It’s like in conversations I have I feel like I’m being tested in a testing room. People like to judge and yes I’m guilty of this to a certain extent as well but I don’t like to judge others.
Not to get all religious here but I have turned to religion. I consider myself a Christian and I do pray to god for answers. Although I feel he is silent or that I don’t know how to understand him when he communicates to me. Maybe this is his way of telling me that I need to get closer to him by reading the Bible (which I find extremely boring) maybe he just gets angry because he feels I only pray to him when I’m sad or need something and not just to talk to him. I believe in god but my faith and relationship with him isn’t as strong as it should be therefore my love for him isn’t as strong as it should be because I don’t realize how much he loves me. And I do feel like he has blessed me and continues to send me blessing Despite me continuing to sin. Maybe he’s waiting for me to realize that he is the best possible friend I could ever have. Maybe I’ll get so desperate for answers that he turn me into his tool to save others. Who knows. I was told if one reads the Bible it’s like most things. First it taste like medicine, then you begin to like it because it reads you back. Something along those lines.
Anyways...
Here are my actual questions (keep in mind after writing all of this I don’t really know what the right question to ask is): How do I make friends and connect with people? How do I find happiness within myself? How do I continue to improve my self to be the best I could be? What are healthy distractions one could use to escape their mind and negative thoughts? Is all of this happening because a lack of male role models in my life(my father is around but I rarely see him. But when i do, I do learn good life lessons from him)? Am I possibly depressed not because my social situation but because of physical reasons such as chemical imbalances? How do I keep friendships going? How do I date girls without being dependent on them for happiness since I’m a loner (also if I do get a girlfriend which isn’t a goal for me right now since I want to work on myself first, I want to give a girl I like or maybe possibly live the best of me that I could possibly give. This questions though is the least of my problems and on the bottom of my bucket list but I along with 99 percent of the men out there would be lying if i said it wasn’t on my bucket list)? Is there no hope for me since I had very little social development growing up, making me socially crippled? Should I see a therapist/psychiatrist, and how do I do so without letting my family know (and if I have to let anyone know how would I go about doing it? What if I don’t have the money to see one often? Are there any books that I could read that could give me therapy?)? Am I a weak man for thinking this way? If i’m a weak person how do I become mentally stronger? More specifically how to I continue to build friendships after the corona virus issue? How do I make friends without seeming desperate to others (which is a turn off to people in many ways)? How do I make my parents proud even if I have been falling short of greatness? Am I just crazy? Is there any other advice you would give me? How do I not get anxiety and not feel nervous about various things all the time? I know that most of you are not professionals in dealing with this thus it would be hard to give advice.
Thank you in advance for reading this if you did and thanks you in advance for your help/advice and/or just listening as most of this is just me venting at this point. Stay safe out there people and don’t get sick. Appreciate it. Goodbye
Edit: Maybe I’m just a introvert. I do tend to get tired when talking to people for a while. Oddly however unlike a introvert I don’t want to be alone all the time. Just sometimes. I long for humans interaction. So does that make me a introvert still or no?
submitted by mrEugene5 to Advice

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